World's Oldest Moms

World's Oldest Moms

facing it

I need to write something down to start letting go.  I really want to let go but I think I've been forcing myself to let go and be happy too early.  I mean really, what was there to grieve? it probably seems silly to others but the process almost took deposits of my emotions, building it high- then a sudden depletion.  And I guess I'm just human.  My hubbs manifests heartache in different ways.  It's really hard to know what he's really thinking, but I know he's processing this physically somehow. 
I feel like someone's grabbed my heart and is squeezing it- I have heartache. I finally cried a lot about the guilt I feel towards my husband.  My inadequacies as a wife- He doesn't blame me, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't feel somewhat responsible.  I know all this is silly and I will get over this.  I'll find peace again, I might even think about going thru IVF again. 

First week just goes by

Where to start... few things that I have to write down so I don't forget.  Couple of days before the blood test, I had an instintual feeling that it didn't work- heck.  to be honest, I didn't think it would work going into this either.  I don't know if many girls have this thought....but I never thought I would be pregnant- the idea of carrying a baby in your belly seemed a bit surreal and far-fetched fantasy to me.  Also it's been backed by my over 2yrs of negative pregnancy test that are filling the landfill now. 

Still, I think somewhere inside myself is hoping that something wonderful will happen to me- that I won't be the one that's isolated and alone- Anyhow, I think the best thing is to keep the positiveness around me, and let things just flow.  Funny, we spent over 10K on this procedure- which was by no means a small amount of money, yet ... we feel that that money was never ours to keep! strange- I don't miss the money at all, and for sure it's hitting our budget.  But I think that was the least of our concerns while going thru the procedure.

People are asking..."what's next?" good question.  What IS  next? didn't I do enough? wasn't the first time going through this painful enough? didn't we put eggs in God's basket and asked him to help us not go thru this painfully? I didn't want to get bitter or spiteful- but at times, I am. I'm blaming God for few seconds asking "why are you making me go thru this pain? what did I gain by going through this pain? am I more faithful now?" perhaps my faith is not strong enough to hold me through this.  it's really hard to think that there was a reason to go through this thing- wait.  Yes there was- at least we answered our questions of "can we make a baby?", and that we tried our best medically in our power.  We have a meeting with the EN this week.  I'm sure he'll try to present an option to do this again.  Are we going to consider this? I'm not sure right now- I can't imagine doing this again.  If it fails again- I think I will really break down too much to get back up.  That's my thinking now, but I think I'm on the downside today.  I hope this doesn't discourage anyone- just keepin' it real about what it really costs.

a day off

It's been a day since we heard the news.  Negative results to my blood preg. test.  We had a good cry, lots of talks lying on the bed- about life, why this(mostly by me), what did I ever do so wrong to deserve this from God, anger, saddness, anger again and saddness, denial.  My emotions were high, at some point I was fine- as if nothing happened.  then during our conversation, my hubby mentioned how he always imagined himself to be a father - that just broke me.  Again, we don't know why it didn't work- everything seemed fine.  Of course, the most common reason of failed IVF is embryo emplantation failure- but my uterus looked "great", and my embryos were beautiful excellent embryos-

after a few, I realized that I felt relieved.  I was so tense and nervous before the news, and today I am so sore from all that tension I was holding till yesterday. So we both took a day off and went to do what we wanted to do.  Some spaiing, eating, saying "I love you" several times...and really mean it each time. We are so much closer now than before.  We didn't blame each other- how can we? we can make a beautiful embryos together, and I have a picture to prove it. :) life goes on.

Power of visualization

Tomorrow I get my blood pregnancy test.  I have my appointment at 11AM but will not get results till that night.  Torture me why don't you? dangle a carrot at a starving samolian donkey why don't you? no,but kidding aside, I don't think we spoke a word of what would happen between me & my husband for last few days.  The closer the date came, less we spoke of serious matter, tip toeing to make sure not to step on the line.  We talk about food a lot.  My hubby's taking such great care of me...cooking, cleaning, working tonz of overtime...I'm getting choked up just thinking about it. It's clear that he's just as invested in this as I am..perhaps even more- I grew up with sisters, so men have always been an enigma for me.  I noticed that they don't express much of their emotions, but I see it in little things that he does.   I think it's understatement to say that we're scared.  We don't talk about this.  We don't discuss what ifs...we have an understanding, without speaking.  I can't think that I am pregnant and I try to stay away from having negative thoughts, but like a scarf on a hot day- the unshakable thought's making me sweat. 

It's so cleansing and therapeutic for me to write this blog.  I don't know where it's going and where I'll end up, but I don't want to forget this experience.  I don't want to forget what we went through to get here, nor take it for granted.  I hope people with kids naturally feel very blessed by reading my story & I hope my fellow "fertile" challenged sisters get strength in knowing that they're not alone.  Note to self: don't forget this experience.  don't forget what you learned & let it become the fertilizer for your character. You are special.

9 days after IVF transfer

I called the EN to see if i can get the pregnancy test done tomorrow- no go.  They need 2 weeks from the egg retrieval day apparently.  I was doing great yesterday, and today...is not so good.  I'm trying to keep things on the light side, steering away from the negative comments, thoughtless people.. My hats off to those who has done this more than once.  I bow to you with my utmost respect, ladies...you are amazing.  Not to mention the mental torture that this is, the physical risks of all the medications, going under each time you're doing egg retrieval- how do they do this more than once?? At the end of the day, would you trade your health, shorten your lifespan to have a possiblity to have a child? it's a different story when you're staring at a physical child, but a potential pregnancy? My gosh.  Honestly,  my hubbs recommended I put all the physical symptoms on the blog so others can see what they're like.

up till day 5: sore and tired.  Mostly sleeping and lying around, and you still feel sore- perhaps due to egg retrieval surgery- or perhaps the body is getting used to the newly inserted embryos. I walk like Geisha.

up till day 8: mild cramping - you definetely feel the mild cramping in your lower abdomin. Almost feels like you're building up for a period. Walking like Geisha without the funky shoes.

day 9: strange sensation tingling once in a while as if someone's holding a harpsicord inside my uterus and they're just tugging one string at a time. AND! to say the least, I feel amorous. :) No problems walking, but carefully taking steps on the stairs. Geisha has graduated to librarian.

who knows what holds tomorrow~~ happy thoughts...happy thoughts...puppies puppies and more puppies!!! hope you guys are all having a superb day!! I wonder how other ppl are feeling on day 9 after transfer. Bon soir!

Eight days after IVF transfer

Ugh.

So far, every day since the 5th day has been getting better.  That darn 5th day was a toughey, and according to others, I'm handling this pretty well.  Lots of tears on peoples' eyes waiting for the result.  Tomorrow is my dad's birthday...his 73rd! geez- he's getting old.  We have 3 girls in our family, and I'm the only one married.  My husband's family has him & his sister, but he's the only one married as well.  No kids anywhere!!! We have four older folks that are sort of like kids.  As soon as I got married, the role of my cutsy dependent youngest daughter took a turn to dependable, responsible, call her to arrange all the family birthdays and weddings who has to take care of all the cousins that come to visit "older sister type".  Asian family thing.

So I imagine having a child in all this.  With our parents getting old, I'm not too sure if they're too crazy about having a grandchild to take care of.  I sometimes think they want me to just take care of them.   I don't care.  For me, my priority has been made clear through all this, as much as it was hard to get here- I'm not going to take what God gives me lightly.  I promised myself that the the baby(s) will be coming into a home that is loving, warm, educational, fun, laughing, and that they (hoping) will be God's precious children.  Keepin' it positive with pink sweaters and argyle socks on my feet!

2 embryos that were excellent

I went outside for the 2nd time today to walk around and see my little garden. I think I get this trait from my parents. I used to see them stay outside working on the garden all day long, making nursery trips and discussing what trees to plant where and why this doesn't work, we should do that or do this. There are things that we don't realize till we reach a certain time in our lives to appreciate it. Take gardening. I have a small and quite pathetic garden. But I love it- I see the small fruits hanging on my half dead lemon tree and I feel glee. I have hope for the little fruit to grow up big & become yellowy sour fruit. I imagine the fruit being squeezed into a lemonade in a clear tall glass on a warm summer afternoon. Silly, eh?

Well, I'm posting couple of baby fruits, my beautiful excellent embryos. Much like my lemon tree, half are bad. but two that survived are in excellent shape & they're candy to my eyes. I also hope these will grow up and become yellowy sweet babies in our lives. Yes, I don't mind yellow babies, cuz I am yellow. :) send me happy thoughts!!!!

We love you

Fourth day of IVF transfer. I often jump to conclusions and think the worst of things, and this is definetely eating me alive at moments. Whew.. take a deep breath. Oh, by the way, I am finally off bedrest! Also my acupuncturist told me a day before the transfer to come back after 3 days after transfer to check the pulse of the baby. So even though it was at the end of day 3, I went to the acupunturist and had to have my pulse checked ( of course, that's so me ) ;). She closed her eyes and felt my pulse as I nervously looked around the room. She started with my right, no reaction on her face. then she went to left, no reaction. Goes back to right then left again. she says, it's definetely a pregnancy pulse, however, it's very very weak. She claims that it's a very dangerous time now, so I must be careful. no work, no housework, eat very well. Heck, you think that's actually a blessing, right? not for me. I cannot sit still! So for me to sit around doing no housework when the house is clearly a mess...it's mental torture I tell you.

Anyhow, when I heard that from her, I knew again, it's 50-50 chance. No clarity. cloudy days are in my head again...is it going to rain? came home and searched my heart for what God wants for me. Why am I going thru this uncertainty? then I realized. Dude, I know where this is going! I've been through this a week ago, right? Have NO FEAR! God is a good GOD & no matter what my worries are now, things will happen the way it's supposed to happen. I will not kneel down on my knees for this. I mentally visualized attacking fear with my sword- that felt good. Also heavy dose of korean drama was giving me happy moments. Note to self: later, if you get doubtful, read your blog....peaceout for now.

Two zygotes, no more

Bedrest....I feel so sore from lying Down. Embryo transfer went smoothly and now we're just waiting for some kind of miracle. There are signs of god everywhere. Will write more when I can actually sit and type :)

They have no tax, free shipping. I buy all my household cleaners from them- all natural~

so far there are Three

So. EN tells me that I have 3 zygotes, they all divided, but two of them are better than one other. He will call me after he has his meetings with his endocrinologist. I got a suggestion from a friend to keep beliving that God has the right plan for me. I am keeping myself occupied. Surround myself with positive energy & keeping it going. Please pray for me, if you can. My hubby called twice to see if I've heard more news... :)

Acupunture helps IVF

Caller ID says "Dr.XXX" my EN.  I pick up and he starts telling me the situation of our eggs & zygotes.  He harvested 7, 5 was attempted to fertilize, 4 were actually fertilized.  Since it's less than the number that he was looking for, he said it's unclear if we need to proceed in 3 days or 5 days.  Okay.  Bring it on.  What next? Nothing is clear so far, but heck you know what? that's fine.  I will be strong.  One thing that seems pretty clear.  We will have nothing left over to freeze.

So I make my way to acupuncturist to insure the success of ivf.  She congrats me on starting IVF, and inserted few needles on my tummy, legs, head.  I felt thankful that I did enough research to know that IVF chances do increase with acupuncture.  Anything will help & I will do anything at this point without hurting anyone else.  My neighborhood Jewish Granny calls me every now & then, asking about how things are.  She's lonely, and I seemed to make her happy with my laughter.  She asks me to keep smiling and laughing- I think it's a great advice. 

I found out something interesting about Eastern way of medicine/diagnosis.  My acupuncturist asked me to come back on the 3 or 4th day of IVF transfer.  She told me she can feel in my pulse if it stuck.  If not, she can do more acupuncture to help it stick better.  What? really? yup she said.  Blood pregnancy is 10 days, stick OTC pregancy test takes 12~15day, but pulse detection will take 3 days after implantation.  By Gosh!  Why doesn't everyone goto an acupuncturist after their ovulation and TTC?

I tell ya, the more you know.  It's good thing I've been reading like crazy into other blogs and IVF ladies journals.  Knowledge is power.  She also advices me of taking more protein vs. carbs.  I also read to eat pineapples, including it's cores after implamentation to help it stick to the uterine walls.  Myth? Hey, like I said, I'm willing to do anything at this point without hurting others.  Gotta shop for pineapples...

Lucid Dream

I had a change of heart this morning.  Something didn't feel right- we opted for 10 eggs to be fertilized, due to recommendation of the coordinator...she basically gave us worst case scenario and for us to be ready to fail & do this again.  Ha. I can't imagine doing this again.  Especially after today.  I also remembered Dave Ramsey saying not to make any decisions out of fear- that is the wrong decision.  And 10 is a luxurious generous spending for eggs to fertilize. We will for sure have left over zygotes to freeze- lives.  I also thought about God. What would He say about this? Did we do our best to limit the spillage of lives? So I spoke with my hubbs about limiting the eggs to 8.  So here was my calculation.

harvest 8 eggs
ICSI 6
natural fertilization 2
process through Blastocyst, which leaves total of 2~4.  Or perhaps 1. 

So we will have 2 at the most left.  I felt good about that.  It's very possible that we'll have none left over, which means, if we were to do this again, I'd have to go through a fresh cycle of all- this. Oh joy.

I quickly prepped and was lying in the OR.  Things looked very strange- machines and contraptions, lights. anesthesiologist introducing himself and giving me a rundown of what would happen during & after.  I quickly knock out and start dreaming the most amazing dream.  I didn't want it to end! Salvador Dali paintings and Magrit paintings coming alive in my head... melting clocks and windows flying around and I was overjoyed that I kept talking when I was coming around. Apparently the anesthesiologist was a big fan of Dali too.

Afterwards, I felt some pain, but nothing big.  But I couldn't wake up.  I heard everyone, but I couldn't wake up for several hours.  Nurses and Drs kept checking in to see if I was awake, but I couldn't keep my head up or my eyes open.  I knew who was around me, but I couldn't get up. So I slept, what seemed like 30 minutes was actually 4 hours.  Three nurses had to help me into a wheelchair to my car, and I zonked out in the car till suddenly, I just woke up.  That was the 5th hr.  We got something to eat...I was craving dduk gguk (korean ricecakes in soup), and that hit the spot.  Zombied into Korean market to buy some food for rest of the week..must prepare for next week's bed rest....  came home and zonked out.  Woke up at 7PM & I'm still in & out of lucid dreaming.  My Dr. will call me tomorrow morning with results of the harvest. 

My husband asked me one question.  What would you do if it doesn't work this time?

Blessed

I was speaking with a groundskeeper at our church today about a homeless woman who wonders into our church to look for coffee.  Our church is on a major street, and from time to time- according to the groundskeeper, has visitors wondering around the premise.  He was trying to describe the homeless woman, and I knew who he was referring to...but what he said sort of stuck in my head.  He described her as "she's what you'd call....well, God did not bless her very much.  She's not all quite there in the head."
That stuck in my head for the rest of the afternoon.  What does that mean to me? God did not bless her very much... hmmm.  I might need to come back to this later but I know this bothered me a lot.  I know the groundskeeper didn't mean much by it, or perhaps he didn't use the best choice of words- but are less than blessed folks less than perfect by God's standards or by our standards?  What is blessed? How do you measure the amount of blessing one received? It certainly bubbled much more questions in my head on this beautiful Sunday. 

Tomorrow is my big day of retrieval.  Hopefully well-done eggs will be taken out from my full ovaries ( I feel stuffed) through a needle attached to a ultrasound probe, and right after that, my hubby will have to decide how many are to be ICSI'd.  We're having everything fertilized by a needle up to 10.  We contemplated having a less number of eggs fertilized, but due to my age & other factors, we're listening to the EN and following the best chance possible to conceive.  Tonight, we'll sign papers that would say just that.  It's no wonder we've pushed this part of the process off until the night before the operation.  Oh my, tomorrow, I'll be egg-less!

Farewell injections! but one more on the butt.

Ah...my ultrasound today had shown that my eggs were grown and "well done" as the good Doctor says. :) Things are looking good and we're all set to go for egg retrieval on first thing Monday morning.  My husband is to give me a 10,000U of HCG trigger shot on my butt exactly around 10:30PM tonight.  I hope he doesn't miss my butt. haha. 30~35hrs later, the eggs are retrieved, very very time sensitive matter. Am I nervous? heck yeah.  We also have to remember that this could be a non-successful procedure. We'll find out in about 20 days.  I wonder what people think when they think of IVF. The honest truth to the number is that the success rate for a woman my age at the clinic that I'm going to is between 50~65% live birth rate. I'm sure that this varies by clinics...I've done my research at the CDC website that lists clinics that have comparable success rates, by clinical pregnancy (a heartbeat), live birthrate, singletons (single baby), multiples..etc.  My EN has a 30% multiple birth rate. 

Due to our beliefs, we are clear that we're implanting two embryos and freezing the rest for future donation to a non-fertile couple or up for adoption in case that we both pass away.  We also need to include them in our will in case that we are not able to see this through in our lifetime.  To think that far is.. well, let's just say that it's not often that I think beyond my death about embryo's destiny. I need to to do research on Christian adoption agency or embryo bank.  Did you guys see Vanilla Sky? with Tom cruise and his temp girlfriend Penelope Cruz? He chose to be frozen, and he suffered from malfunction of his own torturous afterlife dream state.  Well, boys and girls- we are there now.  Cryopreservation.  I asked the coordinator " can I just take the embryos and keep them in my freezer?" you can guess the reply.

Interesting fact, the very first american female IVF baby is now 30yrs old & just gave birth to her own child, naturally.  So genetically, IVF is not passed down.  Ha!

If you're interested in the top performing IVF clinics & the data of success rates, the reliable source is CDC (center for disease prevention & control)
http://www.cdc.gov/ART/ARTReports.htm

Positive thinking

What a difference a change of perspective can make.  Since yesterday, I keep reminding myself about the promise I made to me & my hubby about staying strong and not get emotional.  Hubby comes home and tells me that he feels attached to our future baby! I looked at him and thought....oh no, don't you start getting emotional on me.  He's been pretty good, the pillar of emotional strength, but I guess it was time that he showed his weakness.  The other day, I was surprised to find that he had an app about baby growth on his ipad! tell ya, never know what that guy's thinking sometimes. :)

So I feel pretty bloated & stuffed.  Even when I'm starved- I do feel the eggs getting bigger and filling up my ovaries.  By the way.  I DO NOT HAVE SMALL OVARIES.  I had my EN measure them and they're perfectly normal size.  thank you very much. My 2 previous herbalists both said that I had small ovaries, problem getting pregnant.  My boobs are really tender and my bra is literally holding on for it's dear life. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, we had a bit of confusion about our long "contract?" that they prefer to call informational packet.  I warn you folks who are going through IVF.  PUT IT ON PAPER! I mean, don't take their word.  They have more than you on their patient list, and for them to remember everything is impossible.  So when you discuss details of procedure with your EN or nurse or coordinator, make sure to put that in your contract or paper that you sign and that they have a copy of.

signing off for today.  Triumphant!

Make Money at Home With a Free Blog Site

Make Money at Home With a Free Blog Site

$30 per vial for Menopur!

http://www.pharmacyrxworld.com/buy-Menopur.html

It's a canadian pharmaceutical company, but it's only $30/vial of 75iu Menopur! Cheapest I found, free shipping with $49 or more order.  But order early, it takes 10~15days for you to receive the meds.

Day 9 of ivf

I had a revelation.  I was on my way to my 11AM appointment at EN, and last two days have been...well, not pretty.  Two days ago, i saw 2 eggs out of 13 growing, and with that- we had to wait 2 more days to find out if this is going to be a failed ivf.  So much time spent on finding out on the net about what that means, my EN didn't give me a clear answer, but did say that it doesn't have much to do with increasing the meds.  Because the 2 eggs have been effected, the drugs are working, just not for all.  Again, not a clear answer.

So I thought of several outcomes of the visit while I was driving, all speculations. Riding on emotional rollercoaster was just a common thing now, I am at the amusement park central.  And then, it dawned on me.  I've been through a frustrating situation before, and everytime...it's always been an up and down inside of me, whatever the outcome.  I came out complaining about what the heck was that all about? blaming everything else and always thinking that it was my bad luck. 

Well then, what happends if worse senario happens to me in life? am I always going to ride this rollercoaster without seatbelt emotional ups & downs? How have I become a better person through this situation? I have gained absolutely nothing but dissappointments and a victim of circumstances, again.  Well, I decided that this time it's not going to be like that.  No matter what happens, I'm not letting myself go down in flames.  This will be my learning experience and I will learn to be a stronger person through this.  What will happen will happen.  pretty good so far, eh? :)

so I park my car & gallently march up the stair to the EN office.  take the blood test for the 9th time, and get ready to do the ultrasound.  I am nervous, but not down.  I have a strength in my heart that I didn't feel before! God will be my strength and He will bear my pain with me.  EN comes in and we both see the probe making its rounds around the ovary.  " Your uterus looks great, whatever I put in there will implant well"..... And he goes onto counting the eggs/follicles.  "on your left, there are...one, two possibly three..." ? three? and then he goes on..."on your right, there are one, two, three.." what? did he say that I have possibly 6 follicles?

After the ultrasound, I was left in the dark exam room.  I started to fumble and to find my underwear and I realized that I was crying.  I had built a wall to be strong, but I didn't realize that it was going to be a good news!  I can't believe that we are going to have 5 eggs!  Ok, I have to compose myself before seeing the EN. I dried up and took a big breath.  Need to be composed now... I went to the EN's office and he gave me his schedule that we are in good shape.  I was telling him that I had thought that we were going to fail this time due to lack of eggs.... EN says.."I apologize that we gave you that impression".  I had tears just falling now. Hallelujah!!!  But I will stay strong and be courageous!!!!  Thank you Lord for this new found strength.

I told my  hubbs the good news...and even better news- that I am okay, and will be okay through this.  We agreed that no matter what happens, we're going to be strong and not let this "ruin" our lives.  God will help us, we will not give up on God.  Thank you for all your prayers, my dear friends and mom (she didn't know how to pray, but I think perhaps she found a way).  I love you guys so much.

Baby On Mind: The Very Expensive World of IVF Meds

Baby On Mind: The Very Expensive World of IVF Meds

more encouraging pictures from my baby garden!

Heirloom Greens!

Olive tree

Dwarf Meyer Lemon

Spring Green Onions!

all images copyright Mindee Choi photographs 2010

Easy way to injections / tips on painless way to inject medicine

If you're anything like me....your heart stops a beat and your blood pressure drops when you see a needle coming at you.  Have no fear my dear! I have a tip.

I've been injecting myself for over 3 IUI's and now, ivf.  I'm a pro. :) hey, at least I got this technique out of it!

so what you do after you got all your meds in your needle & tapped out the bubbles.

1. find your spot, 2 fingers below your belly button, 2 fingers to the right of that area & left are all good areas.  I've been told that anywhere around the muffin top area is fine as long as they're near your ovaries, but not lower than 2 fingers south of your belly button.

2. wipe with alcohol & let it dry.

3.  pinch the area you're going to insert the needle & with your remainer of fingers, pinch elsewhere. Usually, it will be with your 3rd & 4th finger, pinching  side of your stomach.  Make sure you can feel some pain with that second pinch. 

4.  put your needle at 90degrees to the injection area and push in as you're pinching another area with your 3rd & 4th finger.  you should feel more pain from your 3rd & 4th finger pinch, and not feel the needle as much. 

5. pushing the syringe:  Menopur & Bravelle are painful.  even from the get-go, so more pain you feel, more pain you want to give yourself with your pinch of 3rd & 4th finger, whole point is to divert your pain & control your pinch.  more pain = more pinch.

that's it!  try it- it's much less scary and painful when you think you're causing the pain vs. a foreign object coming into you.  good luck... ;)  Here's a video instruction. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq3KjvWdB-8

ultrasound day 7

Today's a blood test & ultrasound to see if the follicles are growing as planned.  I started with 13, and they were normal size before the stimulation.  Now there are 2 at 1.7cm, and rest are not growing as well.  my EN is looking for 6 good ones to harvest, and he'll let me know on Thursday ultrasound how many he can harvest. 

Funny thing is, we thought we would have too many to deal with- this could be a blessing in disguise or possible failed attempt at ivf.  at this point of the game, this flipping coin toss is becoming an everyday event.  I pray that we'll be in good hands on Thursday.

my injectables: 2vials of Bravelle + 2 vials of Menopur  25mg of Lupron (2 needles total)
meds: prenatal vitamin + Medral (steroid for inflammation) + 1000mg of folic acid

wish me luck on Thursday!!!! I'm staying positive. Oh, btw, I've gained 4 pounds in 1 week. weird.

cost of medication

here are some of the costs that I've had to deal with regarding this process:

1 fresh IVF cycle with ICSI + assisted hatching : 8700.00 payment up front
medication:

15vials of Bravelle : 849.00
20vials of Menopur: 1100.00
Lupron: 125.00
Estradiol 2mg: 20.00
Crinone 90mg 8%gel: 202.50
methylpredisolone 4mg: 98.73

here is a video of the medication: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvV6RK_BACI


Lots of drugs.
meanwhile, this website by the drug company is helpful explaining what the procedure involves.
http://www.ferringfertility.com/infertility/treatment/

some happy pictures that I took...afterall, I am a professional :)

Smile! God loves you!!!

all copyright 2010 mindee choi photographs

Day 5 of my ivf

So it's been 5 days since I started my injections.  I wanted to write something down, somewhere about what's been happening to me.  Yeah, I guess sharing makes me feel better- perhaps it's a woman thing. So far, this is what I've done before starting ivf.

age: 37 going on 38
religion: Christian
history of infertility: 2yrs +
FSH: 4.0
Estrodiol: 19.8
eggs: still there!!
hubby: excellent count & xclnt motility,  my dr. wanted to shake his hand (which makes this seem more odd)
stress: I've got a fairly easy going life with 2 dogs, living near the beach.  but not luxurious.

so why ivf? I'm the perfect candidate to be a mother of .... gosh, maybe 2 or more? my mother had 8 pregnancies, no miscarriages.   Apparently, I should be fertile as well- right? :)
so when I married my wonderful hubby- he's truly what I've waited for for  my 34yrs of life...we wanted to enjoy being married, so we didn't start trying till 1 yr after.  and that's when all this complications began.

we fortunately had a good insurance coverage, so our infertility treatment was mostly copayment of $20.  Talk about blessings from God! and perhaps because of this, we didn't mind going through the process. 

I started with blood tests, showing nothing wrong.  HSG test, which showed my plumming was great.  Husband's sperm count (3 times, just to make sure) was great.

only thing was, my cycle was very long.  I mean 34~42days long.  And it was very light.  And it's been that way for me since my early 30's. I guess this is not too rare?  Anyhow, clomid (pill form 100mg/day) started me on the road to fertility.  Unfortunately, ultrasound showed I developed cysts.  Great. Not to mention that it drove me bonkers with emotional waves crashing constantly onto whomever is around...usually my poor hubbs.  So we decided that the next step is the way to go- so we went to a more specialized infertility Dr. under Kaiser (hospital we have insurance with). 
Dr. decided that it was time to start with the injectables.  I was on 2vialsx5 days to stimulate 2 or more follicles.  prayer helped before injecting. :) it was subcutaneous, and not too painful- but if you know me, you know that I turn pale at the sight of needles.  We did that successfully for 2 terms, accompanied by IUI (basically artificial insemination) . no luck.

so after much prayer, contemplation, crying, negotiating, God know how many "I'm pregnant!" friends and cousins, we realized that this wasn't going to happen naturally.  Something was missing.  We needed help and divine help at that.  And so we started on the road to find the best doctor possible for my age group.