Tomorrow I get my blood pregnancy test. I have my appointment at 11AM but will not get results till that night. Torture me why don't you? dangle a carrot at a starving samolian donkey why don't you? no,but kidding aside, I don't think we spoke a word of what would happen between me & my husband for last few days. The closer the date came, less we spoke of serious matter, tip toeing to make sure not to step on the line. We talk about food a lot. My hubby's taking such great care of me...cooking, cleaning, working tonz of overtime...I'm getting choked up just thinking about it. It's clear that he's just as invested in this as I am..perhaps even more- I grew up with sisters, so men have always been an enigma for me. I noticed that they don't express much of their emotions, but I see it in little things that he does. I think it's understatement to say that we're scared. We don't talk about this. We don't discuss what ifs...we have an understanding, without speaking. I can't think that I am pregnant and I try to stay away from having negative thoughts, but like a scarf on a hot day- the unshakable thought's making me sweat.
It's so cleansing and therapeutic for me to write this blog. I don't know where it's going and where I'll end up, but I don't want to forget this experience. I don't want to forget what we went through to get here, nor take it for granted. I hope people with kids naturally feel very blessed by reading my story & I hope my fellow "fertile" challenged sisters get strength in knowing that they're not alone. Note to self: don't forget this experience. don't forget what you learned & let it become the fertilizer for your character. You are special.
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