Fourth day of IVF transfer. I often jump to conclusions and think the worst of things, and this is definetely eating me alive at moments. Whew.. take a deep breath. Oh, by the way, I am finally off bedrest! Also my acupuncturist told me a day before the transfer to come back after 3 days after transfer to check the pulse of the baby. So even though it was at the end of day 3, I went to the acupunturist and had to have my pulse checked ( of course, that's so me ) ;). She closed her eyes and felt my pulse as I nervously looked around the room. She started with my right, no reaction on her face. then she went to left, no reaction. Goes back to right then left again. she says, it's definetely a pregnancy pulse, however, it's very very weak. She claims that it's a very dangerous time now, so I must be careful. no work, no housework, eat very well. Heck, you think that's actually a blessing, right? not for me. I cannot sit still! So for me to sit around doing no housework when the house is clearly a mess...it's mental torture I tell you.
Anyhow, when I heard that from her, I knew again, it's 50-50 chance. No clarity. cloudy days are in my head again...is it going to rain? came home and searched my heart for what God wants for me. Why am I going thru this uncertainty? then I realized. Dude, I know where this is going! I've been through this a week ago, right? Have NO FEAR! God is a good GOD & no matter what my worries are now, things will happen the way it's supposed to happen. I will not kneel down on my knees for this. I mentally visualized attacking fear with my sword- that felt good. Also heavy dose of korean drama was giving me happy moments. Note to self: later, if you get doubtful, read your blog....peaceout for now.
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